Grace--Truly Amazing

One of my phobias is that I will hurt someone I love--not physically, but their feelings, their heart, in a way that will alter our relationship forever. Fortunately, I’m blessed with a very forgiving family. I am amazed at their ability to express mercy. With my husband and kids you can tell when that moment of complete forgiveness occurs. There’s eye contact, a bashful smile, a tender kiss, or a group hug. Sometimes with friends or with family members living farther away, it's harder to tell where things stand; and often, long after things have seemed to blow over, I find myself wondering if things really are OK.

Last weekend I was frustrated about life in general, questioning my own and society’s values. My mental banter spilled over into an email I was writing, and I said some things to a friend that ended up fostering heavy hearts for both of us. We both prayed, continued to dialog, and worked things out, but there was part of me that still felt awful, was still afraid of hidden damage to our friendship. The fears were groundless. Like my family, this is a friend who truly forgives and forgets, but I couldn’t seem to forget that I had caused hurt. I was having trouble forgiving myself.

On the way to the grocery store, I randomly put in some CDs and soon found myself in fellowship with favorite artists and their soulful songs of God’s love and grace. I used to think of grace only as a virtuous quality that people expressed—poise when things are dicey, kindness that makes people feel comfortable, or the ease with which a ballerina floats across a stage. Recently I’ve become familiar with a Christian concept of God’s grace that somehow had eluded me. As I have begun to expand the scope of my spiritual reading and listening (I'm currently enjoying Philip Yancey’s book “What So Amazing about Grace?”), I’m finding a definition of “grace” that has become one of the most endearing concepts I have of God. Grace truly is amazing. It’s God’s unconditional love that completely wipes the slate clean leaving no scars, no wounds, no grudges. It’s the Biblical father running to greet his Prodigal son and throwing a welcome home party.

Mary Baker Eddy wrote a line by line interpretation of the Lord’s Prayer. Commenting on “…forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors,” she writes, “…Love is reflected in love.” As a teenager, I wondered if an adult mentor really cared about me. I so longed for her approval. I remember looking at her across our church foyer when “Love is reflected in love” came to mind along with the “ah ha” understanding that God, Love, is the source of our thoughts—mine and my mentor’s. Since all her thoughts came from God, she could only see and think of me as God did. There is no way she could not love me. I stopped worrying about what she might think of me, and we did become wonderful friends.

The songs I had been listening to reminded me that “Love is reflected in love.” Grace is reflected in grace. I got out of the car last Sunday and went grocery shopping with a lighter heart. While I hadn’t been able to actually see my friend and share a “yes, all is well” hug, I had felt God’s embrace encircling us both. I began to find a self-forgiving peace. God's grace had set me free.