New Jeans

One of my goals is to find my voice as a thinker and healer. However, I never thought this desire would lead to a blog. (Watch out what you ask God for!) It really wasn’t that long ago when posting a comment on someone else’s blog felt like a gigantic step for me. I feel like a total rookie. I expect that the timbre and color, the sound and feel of my blog may change as I experiment with what does and doesn’t fit me—kind of like going to a clothing store and trying on racks and racks of pants to find the perfect pair of jeans.

I did that this summer. My daughter and I went to the Gap in search of “non-Mom jeans.” God must have led me to the right sales clerk because she didn’t laugh at me but sent me off to a dressing room and brought me various options until we found pants that fit. Even though I loved my new jeans, it took several months before I was completely comfortable in them. I wasn’t used to the length or flair or where they rode on my hips. For a while, I found myself constantly readjusting them. Sometimes I wanted to throw out the new look and feel altogether. But as I headed off to a jazz concert last night, I didn’t think twice about quickly pulling on a pair of my now comfy “old” jeans.

It’s interesting to me how my clothing adventures have so closely paralleled my life adventures. The last year has been full of paradigm shifts for me—trying on new ideas, mentally tugging and pulling on them to make them my own. Just as I’ve been replacing and thinning my wardrobe piece by piece (sometimes getting rid of clothes I’ve had since high school), I’ve been sifting through my thoughts asking, “How did this perspective get here? Is it something I inherited from my family? Has it been molded by the values of the culture or religion I’m accustomed to? ” I’ve come to enjoy wrestling with ideas.

However, frankly at the moment I’m feeling a little naked. I’m not exactly sure when I’m going to come out of my mental dressing room and what I’ll be wearing. I don’t have a plan for this blog. I can’t promise myself or anyone else consistency. Yet, whenever I write, I hope to come forth with compassion and honesty. Beyond that, God only knows.

So here’s to new jeans! new thoughts! new voices!