Marriage Sabbath

Dear Barb,

Michael and I just returned from a slightly early 25th wedding anniversary getaway at Lodge of the Four Seasons in the Ozarks. We had such a wonderful time! We ate some incredible food, danced in our room to Chicago’s Greatest Hits (courtesy of Mike’s cell phone), went parasailing, talked of our dreams, and in many ways were reawakened to the holy ground of marriage.

I have never forgotten the 8th grade Sunday School class where we talked about relationships, and you mentioned that it wasn’t too early to begin praying about marriage. I took your suggestion to heart. My “hope chest” became a “God knows when chest,” and whenever I thought about the future I made an effort to not just daydream but consciously trust God’s matchmaking, to cherish His perfect timely supply of everything my life needed.

Well, you know the next part of my story as well as anyone. At 20, I was a blushing bride to my high school sweetheart. Michael and I were so touched that, although you had been quite ill, your husband quietly snuck you in and out of the back of the church on the fringes of the ceremony so you could be at our wedding. Several friends have shared wedding stories with me recently. I don’t think I fully realized how blessed we were to stand there and exchange vows with such joy and confidence. There were no doubts, no fears, no glitches to the day. Yes, there were lots of tears, but they were tears of deep love and gratitude for each other, our God, and for all the friends and family supporting us that day.

Yesterday as Mike and I ate dinner (the best vegetable stir-fry and spinach salad ever), we watched preparations and photo-taking prior to a wedding being held in the Japanese Garden just beyond our dining table window. How relieved I was to finally see the bride’s furrowed brow give way to smiles and how my heart prayed Mary Baker Eddy’s words, “May Christ, Truth, be present at every bridal altar to turn the water into wine and to give to human life an inspiration by which man's spiritual and eternal existence may be discerned.”

I remembered this weekend that in many churches, marriage is considered a sacrament—something that helps us grow spiritually and become more aware of God’s presence in our lives. The Bible commands us to “Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.” It occurred to me that perhaps we also need to apply this command to the sacrament of marriage. Life for many married couples gets busy--first with careers, then with family, volunteer work, and other activities. For a variety of “reasons,” Mike and I have not done a good job of making time for “us” through the years. This weekend we decided that we need to remember to provide sabbath moments for our marriage, to take time to reflect on God’s presence in our relationship, to celebrate storms weathered and hearts strengthened, to help each other unearth and bring alive our hopes and desires. I decided to once again remember to pray regularly for our marriage, not just when there are bumps in the road. I want to acknowledge God’s smile in those most romantic “I love you” moments and with joyful expectancy put our future in His hands whenever I wonder what our “happily ever after” is going to look like.

As Michael held me in his arms this weekend, I felt like a young girl again—pure, childlike, and so safe. I didn’t feel old enough to be celebrating a silver anniversary. In many ways, we probably were more honeymoon-like than we were 25 years ago. Michael was my knight in shining armor. When our first hotel room smelled unbearably musty, he called and requested another room. (The room we were so graciously given in exchange was so much bigger and inviting). It was Mike’s idea to feed each other the dark-chocolate dipped strawberries (delicious!) gifted to us by the Lodge as we had fed each other wedding cake at our reception, and he insisted on kissing repeatedly as we dangled from our parasail 300 feet over Lake of the Ozarks. We slept–in, walked in the moonlight, and swam in the indoor/outdoor pool that had welcomed us as bride and groom on our first visit in December 1983.

I’m ready to make reservations for 2033. As to the exact date, “God knows when.”

Thank you for being such a dear friend and one of the best Sunday School teachers ever!

With much love,

Maria

Our Wedding Vows

Dear Michael,

Going to the wedding with you yesterday was so special. It has been a long time since we sat side by side at a marriage ceremony. You played the trombone at Devon and Chris’ and were in Paul and Stacey’s; so I think it has been at least 8 years.

I couldn’t help but think back to our own wedding beginning with the amazing hike in Rocky Mountain National Park where we wrote our vows near the spray of Ouzel Falls. The wildflowers were abundant—Indian Paintbrush, Columbine, and endless varieties of golden daisies that later in your graduate school days we dubbed “darn yellow composites.” Like our hike to Harvard Lakes this summer, I remember the trek being a bit tiring for me, but that didn’t matter; the beauty of our destination quickly rejuvenated me.

With the sound of the falls as background music, we went over the traditional text of the wedding ceremony line by line changing words here and there until they matched our best understanding at the time of marriage’s deepest spiritual meaning. We used to laugh and say that our ceremony with its readings and hymn was almost a Wednesday evening Christian Science church service!

I was going to type out just the heart of our promises to each other, but as I reread the service today, I found that almost every line continues to speak to me in an enriching way. So, I’m going to bring the complete “Marriage Vows of Michael and Maria…Wedded, December 17th, 1983” off the typewriter created pages of our little spiral-bound red booklet into the electronic cyberworld of the 21st century. Let’s revisit them together hand in hand soon!

To set the stage, Jerry and his trombone trio entertained the guests while I put the finishing touches on my lipstick (a procedure which to this day feels somewhat foreign to me). After the prelude, the organist started Bach’s “Sheep May Safely Graze” (she never did get those fancy turns right), and I began down the aisle. I can still see your radiant smile…

With all reverently standing, the minister (said):

Dear Friends, we are assembled here today in the presence of God, to join this man and woman in marriage, which is blessed by God, regulated by his commandments, and is to be held in honor by all mankind. Marriage, in its highest sense, is the expression of man’s completeness, of his individual spiritual unity with God. For as the Scriptures say, “I am married unto you.” Seeing and expressing this oneness of God and man, husband and wife know that Divine Love will always meet their human need for affection, home and spiritual growth. Following His guidance, they truly love and nourish each other and their family. Marriage, governed by Love and guided by Christ, blesses, purifies and elevates all mankind.

Let us unite in a few moments of silent prayer....”Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed. Amen.

Next your Dad shared our readings (I’ll include them at the end), and Walter sang “The Lord’s Prayer.” Then the minister addressed you, “Michael, will you have Maria to be your wife, and will you give yourself to her, in all love and honor in, all duty and service, in all faith and tenderness, to live with her, and cherish her, according to the law of God, in the holy bond of marriage?

At this point, I think we both were crying. You gave your eternal “I will;” mine soon followed. Next my very happy parents gave me “to be married to” you, and then we exchanged the vows we’d written on our hike.

I, Maria, take you, Michael, to be my wedded husband; and I do promise before God and these witnesses to be your loving and faithful wife; to endeavor always to see you as God sees, to love you as God loves, and to hold no concept of you or us that is false, earthly, or impure, that we may grow together and individually in the service of God.

Exchanging our rings, we tenderly said, This ring I give you as a reminder of God’s gentle ever-presence, the source of our love for each other.“ (Both the design of our rings and the following benediction were inspired by Mary Baker Eddy’s poem that begins, “Oh gentle presence, peace and joy and power…").

The minister continued: May the peace, joy and power of your Father-Mother God be with you always. Let us pray: Dear Father, bestow upon your children, Michael and Maria, your fatherly benediction; granting them grace to fulfill, with pure and steadfast affection, the vow and covenant they have made. Guide them together, in the way of righteousness and peace, that, loving and serving you, with one heart and mind, they may be abundantly enriched with the blessings of your everlasting love. Amen.

By the authority committed unto me, a minister of the church of Jesus Christ, I declare that Michael and Maria are now husband and wife, according to the ordinance of God, and the laws of the state. You may kiss the bride. (Ah, for the days when thinking about that kiss was our biggest worry!)

Then everyone was invited to “join us in singing a prayer of joy and gratitude to God, Hymn #58.” (“Father, we Thy loving children, lift our hearts in joy today...” set to Beethoven’s “Ode to Joy.”)

Whom, therefore, God hath joined together, let no man put asunder. The Lord bless you and keep you: the Lord make his face to shine upon you, and be gracious unto you: the Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace. Amen.

I love you Michael!

Your bride,
Maria

Our Readings

From The Bible:
I John 4:7-8, 11
I John 5:2-3 (to :)
Ephesians 5:1-2, 8, 10, 20-21, 33 (let)
I Corinthians 13:4-8 (to :), 13
Matthew 5:5-8, 14 (to ,), 16
Matthew 7:7-8
Matthew 6:30-33
Matthew 5:48
Psalms 91:9-11
I Thessalonians 3:12 (to second ,)

From the writings of Mary Baker Eddy:
Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures (S&H) 61:30-31
S&H 56:7-8
S&H 64:26-27
Miscellaneous Writings(Misc.) 286:7-10
S&H 64:17-21, 22-25
S&H 57:4-11
S&H 60:16-18
S&H 58:21-23
Miscellany 268:8-10
S&H 58:7-11
S&H 60:4-8
S&H 59:3-6
S&H 57:18-21
S&H 66:14-16
S&H 57:23-24
Misc. 307:1-8
Misc. 262:12-14
S&H 65:3-6
S&H 454:18-19